Set an example for your children. Don’t use the ‘F’ word – even if you stub your toe

Last updated 11:22, Wednesday, 25 June 2008

I despise hearing young children swear and equally hate hearing adults swearing at or in front of children.

Imagine my horror at a party when a little girl ran out the soft play area shouting “He [my little boy] said the F word”.

When asked, my son replied, “I didn’t, I said fudd” (yeah right). I was of course mortified.

So why do kids swear?

Lots of reasons: To get a reaction, impress others, or often because they are making their own choices and it is something they are in control of.

Knowing how to handle it before it happens can really help.

My advice is be prepared for it if and when it happens, as I wasn’t.

First, set an example, avoid swearing yourself, even if you stub your toe on the door or someone pulls out on you in the car. Remember, the little people in the back seat take everything in.

If you take swear words out of your vocabulary it will lower the chances of your child repeating them.

Society has a more relaxed attitude to swearing than a generation ago, but most parents still do not like to hear children using bad language. Parents often don’t realise the examples they are setting for their children.

Many adults frequently swear – unfortunately children are the best mimics and will pick up the words they hear. But in homes where appropriate language is relaxed, children need to know that people outside the family may consider swearing to be unacceptable.

Before dealing with a child’s swearing, both parents need to talk about their own values about it, what they think is OK and what isn’t.

Parents should decide what words they don’t want their children to say and avoid saying those words themselves. In some families one parent swears and the other does not, or one parent disapproves of swearing while the other does not. This gives mixed messages.

Some families think it is OK for adults to swear but not for children. This also gives mixed messages, and the child ends up being told off for using words their parent frequently uses.

Babies and toddlers learn the words they use from the people around them, especially their parents.

They also learn the feelings about words by how you look and act when you say them.

If parents always say a certain word when they are angry, their young child is likely to say the same word when angry, without understanding what it means.

If you laugh or smile when they first say a “naughty” word they are likely to say it again and again. They want to please their parents more than anything else. On the other hand if you react with anger when they say a swear word they may use it again when they are upset and want you to know about it.

Children enjoy using words, learning new words and playing with words that they feel are exciting, secret or silly.

Three and four-year-olds have wonderful fun calling someone a “poo face” or a “bottom head” because they have learned the words cause a reaction.

If your child picks up a swear word from someone else, try to be matter-of-fact and discourage them from thinking it is either funny or interesting.

Say something like, ‘We don’t use that word, I don’t want to hear it again’, then ignore it. Don’t react if they say it again.

If children are having fun with a swear word, offer an alternative. Make up a fun word and suggest they try that instead.

For example, ‘I know a better word than that, listen, “Rotten raspberries”’. It sounds silly but I encouraged my son to say it when he was about three years old.

A word of warning though, you might end up being out with friends and saying “rotten raspberries” in the local!