When it’s time to talk to your child about sex, don’t beat about the gooseberry bush

Last updated 11:28, Tuesday, 22 July 2008

Throughout my work I have heard an abundance of names used to describe the male and female genitalia.

I would like to type them all for your amusement but that would take the whole column and may be a bit inappropriate.

There was a recent occasion where my young son showed himself to his female friend. When I mentioned it to her mum, she said her daughter showed her “foo” in the garden the previous weekend.

We had a good giggle about it and no harm was done.

But when should you start talking to children about their bodies and sex?

Between the ages of two and six, children seem to show more interest in the opposite sex and in their own bodies.

This is natural and healthy as children make sense of who they are and how their bodies work, though many of us parents have hang-ups about what to say and how to react.

If our responses are insensitive, children will be afraid, embarrassed or confused to talk about these things.

Use a matter of fact attitude when asked questions. Keep things simple and have a sense of humour.

Let your child know it is not okay to touch other people’s private parts. Nor is it okay for others to touch their private parts.

Use opportunities to discuss boys’ and girls’ differences and use the correct words to describe them. My friends all thought it hilarious when my son said “gyna”. I thought him very clever for remembering the right name – ish.

Avoid using statements such as “it will fall off”. This doesn’t help and can confuse and frighten young children.

Think carefully about what you say. Children remember theses types of statements. It will affect their thoughts and how they make sense of sexuality.

Remember your child’s friends and family may use different words for body parts and they may explain things differently. Reinforce the words you prefer to use.

Answer your child honestly, there is little point in making up stories such as “the stork brought you”.

When it comes to talking about how babies are made be honest, but keep it easy to understand.

When we had our recent addition, we told our then four-year-old that mummy has the egg, daddy has the seed and they have a special cuddle to make a baby. That worked for him.

As they grow up, children explore their worlds, becoming conscious of their own sexuality. Their body is new to them; they are trying to figure out how it all fits together and works.

Children are naturally curious. That includes exploring their own bodies and sexuality. At some point, children will play doctors, touch themselves, show themselves to others and ask questions about sex.

It is normal – though children should be given boundaries so their behaviour does not become inappropriate. As in any other behaviour, such as good manners, they need guidance.

Parents can actively participate in helping their children learn about their bodies so they don’t fill the blanks with less reliable and possibly more harmful influences.

In the early years of a child’s life, parents have the best opportunity to influence their children’s attitudes about sexuality than at any other time.

Children from birth to five years are learning a lot about their sexuality and parents are preparing them for trust and openness for future discussions.

All of this is important for children’s emotional well-being and physical safety. Children should really be able to use the correct terms for the sexual body parts of both male and female.