Anne Pickles
Daffodils to define us? Now there’s a notion to make you smile – more than anywhere else, too
Published 5 September 2008
Never mind the daffodils, what about the pies? Surely there’s more to Cumbria than a soppy old poem about nodding spring flowers.
Life without loved ones is like a bank holiday without a carnival where men dress as ducks
Published 29 August 2008
It was an eerily quiet bank holiday Sunday. No decorated floats, loud music, fun fair rides or crowds – just a handful of beery smokers, standing ankle deep in cigarette butts piled outside the pubs.
I could take or leave the Olympic ballyhoo, if it weren’t for those unsporting Aussies
Published 22 August 2008
How do you make a browbeaten Brit chipper? Give him a clutch of superheroes and a medal tally to gloat about. That’s the pure gold lesson of Beijing.
A purchase thwarted by those three little words that strike fear into the heart: health and safety
Published 22 August 2008
His cheeks flushed with an intake of breath matching the suction action of a Dyson. It was so fierce his eyes bulged – and I’d an idea I might be in trouble.
Lure of the north is now bitter, flat caps, fine sausages – and good conversationalists
Published 8 August 2008
They say we’re an especially talkative lot in the north. At least that’s what the upper-crust Londoner on the radio said the other day.
We’ve moved on from Tupperware – now it’s the Tote and a rare fascination with feathers
Published 1 August 2008
It’s possible we’ll risk a glass or two of something refreshing. In fact it’s probable. Or – put another way – absolutely certain. Even so, there was no need for his sarcasm.
Had I been told about competitive creativity, I wouldn’t be looking for duvets day excuses now
Published 25 July 2008
If I’d known as a child there might be mileage in competitive creativity, things could have been very different. Had someone told me county agricultural shows were precisely the places for cultivating imagination and nurturing eagerness to succeed, who knows around which exciting corner life might have turned.
Exams too easy? Well they have to be or the markers would never cope
Published 18 July 2008
So, school’s out then – or as near as makes no difference. Out of Sats results, out of buses for next term, out of luck with summer holiday weather. Out of patience, very likely.
Lessons in how not to deal with knife crime
Published 15 July 2008
How would you shock a kid with a knife into changing his vicious, stabbing ways? Throw him into jail for a few years – right?
Criticise our buildings and our weather – but please, don’t find fault with Cumbria’s welcome
Published 11 July 2008
My word, Carlisle has taken some low body blows lately. Visitors and locals alike have been uncommonly vociferous in their criticism of our poor old city; depressingly pessimistic about her future revival prospects.
Speak plainly to me – just don’t use any words or I could very well be unwittingly offended
Published 4 July 2008
It doesn’t do to be a plain speaker. Just ask Pam. A lifetime of speaking her mind – in a well-mannered way, of course – has been tipped right off kilter. And she’s not happy.
How do we bring down teen pregnancy rates? Save phone boxes and get rid of boys of course
Published 27 June 2008
It’s probably just another one of those signs of the times – the kind that makes you feel your age and want to sit down for a bit. They’re closing down telephone boxes and opening up after-school sex clinics. How the heck did that happen?
In sad times like these, it’s easy to be amazed by Cumbria’s sheer warmth and closeness
Published 20 June 2008
It’s most tragically unnatural for a parent to survive a child. When life’s anticipated order is overturned by calamity, painful sense of injustice is palpable.
Nothing much to do in Cumbria – so that’s why we spend so much time almost too busy to sleep
Published 13 June 2008
He was asking, so now they’re dancing. Publicly, competitively and in high-heeled gold shoes, no less, they’ll soon be twirling, swirling and quick-stepping for all they’re worth. Even backwards, I’m told... now, that is an accomplishment.
Capital punishment may seem harsh for these unwelcome usurpers – but is a vibrator better?
Published 6 June 2008
If it’s possible to see an expression of despondency over the phone – which is doubtful – she must have seen mine.
Grandad’s Bus, egg and cress and auntie’s poor bladder control – all part of a great day out
Published 30 May 2008
They were rarely glamorous, never very adventurous but our big days out were always special... particularly the ones involving Grandad’s Bus.
If mayors didn’t exist we would have to invent them
Published 23 May 2008
It’s mayor-making season. The great, the good, the deserving – and some with greatness thrust upon them – are relinquishing and receiving civic bling, donning heavy robes, sporting funny hats and making promises to serve us all their days. Or the next 365 at any rate.
In a county where we eat tea atop Skiddaw, being described as daft is the best compliment
Published 16 May 2008
The trick, I now understand, is not to take anything too seriously, expect nothing formerly recognised as common good sense and forget all previous measures of logic.
Can’t be doing with dogs, peacocks are a bit too showy, I think I’ll stick to my pet pheasants – they’re virtually perfect
Published 9 May 2008
Had it been possible to text a dog for a walk, I might have considered keeping a pet. It seems you can do most things by text now. But not dog-walking – at least not yet.
